fOR My EyeS onLy

~The Fight is Over~

2008-11-29T14:25:09Z

When the fighting is over
Coz our mouths have just run dry
As our feelings get colder
There is nothing to hold us now
Gave all this time
Just to be let down

Can you explain to me
What has become of us
With words released
We can never take them back
(For all that we're worth now)
Not even pleading can save us

I know you'll meet someone better
But would you still think of me
If she can't hold you like I did
Would you run back to me
Yes I know this pain shall pass
Gave all this time
Still we couldn't last

How could we end this way
Our promises thrown away
All the years we've built broken up
See it crashing down
I have to say though alone
In this crazy sea of faces
It's still your face I wanna know

Letting go of Emotional Baggage

2008-07-20T05:49:55Z

Letting go of emotional baggage

Sunday, July 20, 2008

By Fr. Bel R. San Luis, SVD
(Manila Bulletin Online)

A WOMAN once went to a therapist and unburdened herself of her bitterness and anger, or even hatred toward the person who caused her so much pain.

She was extremely unhappy. The source of her unhappiness lay in her broken marriage and inability to let go of it. She harbored a great deal of anger and animosity toward her former spouse.

* * *

During the counseling sessions, the traditional therapy could not help her. So the counselor suggested a unique approach. He handed her a brick, saying it symbolized her old relationship. He instructed her to carry it in her purse for the next seven days.

* * *

As the week went on the woman’s purse seemed to grow heavier and heavier. By lugging the brick around all week, she soon understood what the therapist was trying to convey to her, namely, that holding on to a negative feeling was helping her the least.

* * *

Before long, she was ready to relinquish those feelings and decided to end the heavy burden by throwing away the brick. She was able to let go of the failed relationship and the excess emotional baggage that went with it, allowing her to move on to write new chapter in her life.

* * *

Message: In life we come across a variety of hurts and wounds, as in the above story of a broken marriage. It can also be the death of a loved one, a business that failed, a courtship that began well but turned sour, an injustice done, an insulting remark.

* * *

These are normal experiences to which we are vulnerable as humans. The trouble is that some people continue to carry the burden of feelings of bitterness and anger. Such emotional baggage becomes a very heavy load.

When this happens, remember the message of the brick. Also Christ’s words: "Do not let the sun go down on your anger" (Ephesians 4:26).

* * *

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

2008-06-06T23:03:30Z

You Are Most Like Samantha!

For you, dating is the ultimate sport
You're into guys with power, looks, or a lot of money.
You rather have a great two weeks than a great forever.
But even you fall victim to love from time to time. :-)

Romantic prediction: You'll find love in the next few months...

But you'll be the last one to realize it.

So funny! Didn't even have to think twice about the result! i knew it from the start! agree??! hmmm....

want to take your own quiz?!http://www.blogthings.com/whichsexandthecityvixenareyouquiz/

Pain in my Heart

2008-02-02T17:03:42Z

Pain in my Heart

Here i am alone in this empty room
And let my mind just fly you to the end
Thoughts of you still linger in my memory
Wondering why my life is not that fair
I could still recall
Those memories of you
The joy and all your laughter
The love thast we've been through
Oh, i can't believe you're gone
Oh, no

Talkin' to myself for no reasons i could find
Findin' out why everything went wrong
Tears falling down my cheeks that
I've been trying to hold
It doesn't know if i could still go on
I wanted you to stay
The tears begin to show
You said you cared for me
But then you had to go
And now i know you're gone

But i don't want to remember
The things (we used to do/that we've been
Through)
And all the things that remind me of you
I don't want to hear the songs
The songs we used to sing
'coz i don't wanna feel the pain in my heart

I just can't believe you're gone

No, no...
I don't wanna feel
Yeah, i don't wanna feel the pain in my heart
I don't wanna feel, don't know what went wrong
Oohh...

Nuff said..

STRENGTH,FORGIVENESS and UNDERSTANDING

2008-01-26T19:19:45Z

--i wish for these everyday cz i don't know if i can ever continue lying to myself or even try to deny the fact that it still fucking hurts--

shempre naman optimistic lola nio tapos ganito mangyayari sa buhay ko-ang lungkot diba?

Anyway,wala naman na ko magagawa..There's no use in looking back..As what i usually say, "There's noway to go but up"..Funny, and dami ko nga money (for me lang ha) wala naman ako asawa..Eto ba kapalit ng career? my family? my COMPLETE family..

OO na! Sucker talaga ako for a complete family..And i guess its never going to be a complete family without HIM in it..Pero wala eh.."there's noway to go" but to move forward--

So to GOD i pray--for STRENGTH, FORGIVENESS and UNDERSTANDING

To understand the things that happened and to understand why it did and why it had to happen.

Forgiveness--so i can find peace for myself,to forgive myself and to forgive him

Strength to carry on..

Ice Box

2007-05-08T21:55:36Z

When you really get hurt one time,even once--and it really fucking hurts--you NEVER forget it. ANd the bad thing is you bring it with you always even when you're already with somebody new. And it gets hard coz you put up a wall for yourself--nobody can get near you--NOBODY can ever hurt you the same way again.

You're just scared to FALL AGAIN, the same way you did before--you become COLD..Ang hirap hindi mangyari eh..It's bound to happen..

"Why can't I get it right, just can't let it go
I opened up, she let me down, I won't feel that no more
I got memories, this is crazy
She ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
I don't mean to take it out on you baby but I can't help it
'Cause my heart is in the same ol' condition that baby left it
And I, I apologize, for makin' you cry
Look me in my eye and promise you won't do me the same "

Now,im wondering if this is what you feel right now--so assuming,me--i want to kill myself,or maybe not
I really dont want TO LIKE YOU anymore--ayoko na..
I feel so stupid feeling this way,parang bata..Tingin ko ganyan ka lang talaga to everybody. Sweet and shit. Damn you for making me feel this way. I really hate it---but i cant help not to like you COZ I DO..
or maybe not-am i just misintepreting everything..
Cguro nga ganyan ka lang talaga sa lahat..
DAMN you, can you just get away from me--minsan parang i odnt want to see you anymore
pero kaw naman minsan din lumalapit..
----PARA KONG TANGA!
i used to be so good in this mind games.
I'd know if someone likes me just by their actions--now, i dont know anymore
i think you do but sometimes---sabi nila--parang ganyan ka lang talaga sa lahat

Minsan,naiisip ko, what if you know this blogsite na pala..
--pano if you're reading everything i write here--ID FEEL EVEN MORE STUPID
parang bata no..bata pako comapred to you
do you really think its true? Na ikaw aayos ng mga gusot sa buhay ko..haay..
i just want to forget this, but i cant--
i feel like a kid who has a crush--SAYO
i like it when we're together but now that some people know this---nahihiya nako..
COZ I CANT FUCKING DENY IT--
it shows in my face,i cant lie about it..i just feel giddy when i talk about you..

AYOKO NA!

Sometimes i imagine that you're just scared too--from girls like me
--boy,you dont know the whole story behind this chick---
if you only knew---
You dont know the other side of 3na, but will you ever get the chance to see that side? who knows?
maybe not-----

Kasi guys like you dont fall for girls like me--it's just gonna be complicated
its not you who's gonna be hurt, IT"LL BE GIRLS LIKE ME
coz one day you'll wake up and realize that you deserve someone like me--magulo

Resigned to my fate,nothing to do but accept the things that will never change
---kelan naman kaia ako sasaya?
maybe, i dont deserve to be anymore
dahil masama akong tao-----MASAMA

" got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold "

I"M SO COLD---------3na

things that makes me sad--

2007-04-27T17:47:28Z

1. When someone lies to me, gets me all disappointed and shit.. I hate it..

2. When i see a kid in the streets begging and their parents with them begging too. Why cant they work for their kids. So sad.

3. It really makes me sad that ive missed alot of things because i've got kids already. How life could be if i was not responsible for the lives of 3 little cute things. But i love them and i wouldnt have changed anything in my life anyway.

4. It hurts me to think that Derek doesnt love me anymore. And how he can say it to my face,show me and make me feel it all at the same time.

5. I'm sad when weekends come coz i dont have anything toi do at home to keep me busy and to keep me away from thinking. ----thingking how my life is just so sad. On weekends, i'd have to come back to reality that my personal life is slowly fading and how nobody cares for me. Nobody loves me. And im not self pitying here. Its true---aside from my kids,who are still no aware of whats happening around them.

6. Im so tired of taking care of everyone when NOBODY's taking care of me..

7. I dont like entertaining the thought that my life is sad so i create a mask. So nobody would see how lonely and sad my life is.

qa3na @ 2007-04-27T12:15:00

2007-04-27T16:48:31Z

yah,probably they're noticing how close we are..they're not blind you know...
and that question yesterday really shocked me coz it came from her...
I guess they have benn talking about it already
But what are talking about?
Who would know?!

The thing that really puzzles me is how you reacted on the QUESTION.
I was expecting that you would say something negative or deny it---
but you didnt
--in fact, you didnt say nothing at all.
Which kinda left me thinking---
What are you thinking?!
Or maybe i was wrong,maybe i just wasnt listening---DID YOU SAY "NO"?!
ah,fuckers..

Basta, im fine with this--with us this way

Ooops,break--You just sat beside me to show me something..funny really why you do this...
but it touches me to think that you go out of your way to come to me to show me silly nonsense stuff..
ano ba?!---
Maybe,you already know that something's going on with me--i dont know,maybe you do..
Sometimes,too, i think that maybe im just assuming too much or that maybe i've misinterpreted everything..
Any other way,whatever you're feeling--KUNG MERON O WALA
this is what i feel,and maybe it'll end too
probably its just an infatuation or something..ewan ko ba..

But rihgt now,as in right at this very moment--OK ako..
kasi andyan ka,to brighten up my day,as corny as it may see,--but true
You left a smile at my face--and it hasnt left me since....

yoU leFt mE Just wHen i neeDed you MOST!

2007-04-26T21:44:18Z

hhhmmm..this is really starting to be weird.
you just left,but the funny thing here is that it's okay and i'm fine

*anyway,ill see you tomorrow naman...ahahaha

This blog can also be for Derek and how he's so insensitive to me..

if you guys would be able to see this blog,click this and sign up.
it's really great..play time..
http://friends.stardoll.com/r/afac34704562102a9428

There you go!

2007-04-24T23:30:09Z

Why can't you just ask me to go home with you?..i'm here..isn't it obvious that i'm just waiting for you..

It sucks...

Don't you notice me? Isn't it obvious?

Im just bugging coz i don't know whats up with you? DONT YOU FEEL ME!

Coz i really dont know how to feel when you're beside me!

CAN"T YOU FEEL ME!~

Argghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Ano ba?!~ Kailangan ko ba maghubad sa harapan mo? Wala ka bang pakiramdam? Oh,man...

I dont know..Sometimes i think i'm just making you an excuse FOR ME TO BE HAPPY..

Sometimes, i think i'm just looking for attention from you,anybody...

I have to admit i'm so fucking LONELY right now.. And i'm tired of all the crying and the loneliness and feeling alone EVEN IN A CROWD.

But right now, I LIKE YOU. Id dont know how many times do i have to repeat for you to realize it. But it's true....

DONT YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY?!~

I'm sounding so PATHETIC right now. I can hear myself...

Aghh..I guess it's been a few minutes since you left me here..That gives me enought leeway for me to go too..

Bye, and i really cant wait to spend time with you later...Another day with you! Yehey!

Another Day with YOU, just right where you should be.

2007-04-20T18:47:05Z

YOU Make the HAIR ON THE BACK of my next STAND UP.

yah,you do Erwin. Fuckers. Ewan ko ba. Another day with you, here. Hanggang kelan ba tone feelings nato for you. Ayoko na.

Only because i know nothing will happen.

Takot ako dun ah. Kala ko AM shift ka na. Sabi ko sa sarili ko pag naging AM shift ka na wala na talaga kong pag-asa. Muntik na ko malungkot.

BTW, bakit ba ko sobrang attached sayo. I really dont see any reason. Minsan nga naiisip ko infatuation lang to eh. Do you treat all your friends this way? Siguro...Kaia nga i really dont want to keep my hopes high. And why should i hope nga pa la..

Agghhh! Don't you notice me? nagiilusyon lang ba ko,Lord?!

Nasan ka na ba? Isn't it obvious in my actions that I LIKE YOU! Punyemas. Just give me a little sign that you like me too, at least, like me too. Carry na sana...

Pakisabi na lang
by The Company

Nais kong malaman niya nagmamahal ako
'Yan lang ang nag-iisang pangarap ko
Gusto ko mang sabihin 'di ko kayang simulan
'Pag nagkita kayo pakisabi na lang

Sana ay malaman niya masaya na rin ako
Kahit na nasasaktan ang puso ko
Wala na 'kong maisip na mas
Madali pang paraan
'Pag nagkita kayo pakisabi na lang

Pakisabi na lang umiibig ako
Lagi siyang naririto sa puso ko
(Pakisabi na lang na mahal ko siya)
P'wede ba...
(Mahal ko siya)

Pakisabi na lang na mahal ko siya
'Di na baleng my mahal siyang iba
(Pakisabi na lang)
Pakisabi huwag siyang mag-alala
'Di ako umaasa
Alam kong ito'y malabo
'Di ko na mababago
('Di mababago)
Ganoon pa man pakisabi na lang
Pakisabi na lang na mahal ko siya
'Di na baleng my mahal siyang iba
(Pakisabi na lang)
Pakisabi huwag siyang mag-alala
'Di ako umaasa
Alam kong ito'y malabo
'Di ko na mababago
('Di mababago)
Ganoon pa man pakisabi na lang

Ganoon pa man pakisabi na lang

I really don't know. Clueless. maybe i'm just a friend to you. Someone who you can talk to about your heartaches and problems. Talaga naman diba, sabihin ba sakin na mahal mo parin yang girlfriend mo. Wake up man! I'm here, dito lang ako to wait for you. Wait?! Wait, i can't wait..Well,maybe i can. for you.. Agghhh!

Kelan mo ba ko mapapansin?

Or do you notice me already but you just don't show it...Aghhhh!

Do you know how much i want to hug you when you're with me. Pagnaghaharutan tayo. How much i want to try (hmmm, TRY) kissing you. Bakit ba ikaw?!! Fuckers. Ang dami naman dyan...Ikaw talaga eh. IKAW!

Listen to me. I want to tell you something.

I LIKE YOU. I dont know why, how or even when it started but I DO!

Do you feel the same way?

Can we step it up a notch?

Where is this going to lead us?

Tapos patabitabi ka pa dyan sakin. Punta ka pa talaga dito. Mas lalo akong kinikilig sayo eh. PaHUG nga. =)

Ano kaya feeling? Nang ihug ka?

First blog here!

2007-04-19T21:45:47Z

FIrst Blog without me omitting names. Haay! This is just fun. I've been searching for a few days already. Looking for a Blog Site where i can access using office's server. It was quite hard. Firewall and all. Pakshet. Found livejournal in one of my searches and it worked! Great!

I was just looking for a venue to vent out. You know, my rantings and my ravings. Everything that i'm feeling right now without any chance of someone reading it. Friendster blog is way so easy to be accessed by my friends. Eh diba nga tinatago?! Wala kwenta sakin friendster ngayon since i can't access it anyway sa office (where i spend most of my time now)..

Anyway, Derek came home yesterday. It was just sad. I dont know. They say what you dont know wont hurt you. But then again it's what you suspect that fucks it. I dont feel that there's somebody else. *or am i just defending him sa sarili ko?* I dont know anymore. I try to reach out as i always do. But its like kissing a wall. Loving someone who can't love you back. It's hard to deny that fact coz i feel it. Sobra. Its like he doesnt even want to sleep beside me. I know i cant do this forever. It's like im killing myself everyday until i just die. Haay! This is one of my problems but not the biggest one. Ayoko lang kasi dumating din yung time na wala na rin akong feelings for him or worse maloko ko na naman siya. Ayoko na talaga. But at the way were going, and i know myself, KSP din siguro talaga ako. I need somebody to take care of me.

BREAK from writing...

We just had an awarding outside for those people who provided excellent customer service for the last quarter. It was dragging and a little bit boring but it was okay. Carry na rin maGPACUTE SA LABAS. Ahahahaha...

BACK TO WORK...

What work? i can do this and listen to a call at the same time. hay, my work life is really fun. ANd actually the reason why im inspired to go to work for the past few days is because of this one special person who's just sitting a few desks behind me. The funny thing is he's TOTALLY not my type. SOBRA!

Hay punyeta mka ERwin..Bakit ba ikaw pa?..Kaw tuloy pinagiiisip ko ngayon. Napaka LANDS mo pa naman. Oh well, i'll just be broken hearted sayo coz i know you wont LET URSELF FALL for girls LIKE ME. Sakit. Masyado ka MATINO for BAD GURLS like me. I dont know if you remember a text msg that i sent you before which i really meant abt you leaving a smile on my face. You really do. Everyday. I dont know why. Sana nde nalang ako magulo so probably magkaron pa tayo ng chance together. ASA no?! Ay nko, parang ang gwapo mo no. Ewan ko ba.

"He makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up
Just one touch "

No joke, right now, this is what i feel for you. pakshet ka. This is my song for you. Binalik mo yung "sigla" (corny na kung corny, but true) sa buhay ko. Next to dead na kasi ako eh. Lamo naman yung reason diba?! You're the only one who reaches out to me and tries to make me fell better. Thank you for that.